In our latest Cyber Safety Cop webinar, Raising Emotionally Intelligent Kids: The 3 E’s Approach for Parents, digital safety expert Clayton Cranford sat down with Dr. Shari Bowen, a military officer, mom of six, and leadership educator. Drawing on her experience at West Point and in raising a blended family, Dr. Bowen shared a practical, compassionate framework for helping children (and parents) build emotional intelligence: Engage, Empathize, and Explore.
If you’re a Premium Member, you can now access the full webinar replay. Not yet a member? This conversation is worth every minute—and your membership unlocks dozens of expert-led parenting resources to support your family’s emotional and digital well-being.
In the meantime, here’s a breakdown of Dr. Bowen’s powerful 3 E’s framework—and how to start using it at home.
1️⃣ Engage – Be Present and Calm
When your child is having a meltdown—maybe they’re yelling, slamming doors, or shutting down—it’s tempting to react with frustration or jump into problem-solving mode. But the first and most powerful thing you can do is simply stay calm and be fully present.
This means pausing, taking a breath, and showing them with your tone, body language, and words that you’re there to support—not punish. Even if their behavior feels over-the-top, remember: there’s usually a deeper reason behind it.
Ask open-ended questions to encourage them to share:
-
“What just happened that upset you?”
-
“Can you help me understand what you were feeling?”
-
“Do you want to talk about it, or just sit together for a bit?”
Your calm presence teaches them that it’s safe to express emotions at home—and that their feelings won’t be met with judgment or shame. Over time, this builds the kind of trust that helps kids come to you before things spiral out of control.
2️⃣ Empathize – Help Them Name Their Feelings
Children often act out because they’re overwhelmed by emotions they can’t name. You might see anger, defiance, or silence—but underneath could be sadness, embarrassment, or fear.
As a parent, you can help your child connect the dots between their behavior and their feelings. This teaches them to recognize and manage their emotions instead of being controlled by them.
Try gently asking:
-
“Are you feeling hurt because your friends didn’t invite you?”
-
“Was it embarrassing when the teacher called on you and you didn’t know the answer?”
-
“Do you think you’re angry—or maybe just really tired today?”
When you help your child put words to their feelings, you’re giving them tools for emotional problem-solving that they’ll use their whole life. You’re also showing them that all feelings—even uncomfortable ones—are okay to talk about.
3️⃣ Explore – Ask Questions, Don’t Lecture
Once your child feels calmer and heard, the next step is helping them learn from the situation. This part is not about punishment—it’s about guiding them toward better choices next time.
Instead of jumping straight to consequences or saying, “You shouldn’t have done that,” take a curious and collaborative approach. Think of it as coaching, not correcting.
Ask questions like:
-
“What do you think led up to that reaction?”
-
“If you could go back, what would you do differently?”
-
“How did your actions affect the people around you?”
These conversations help kids build critical thinking, accountability, and empathy.
Sharing your own stories can help too:
“When I was your age, I got so mad at my brother that I said something really hurtful. I wish I had taken a minute to cool down.”
Let your child know they’re not alone in their mistakes—and that learning from them is a normal, healthy part of growing up.
Real Tips You Can Use Today
-
👂 Listen First, Talk Second
When your child speaks, resist the urge to interrupt or fix the problem right away. Reflect what you hear to show you’re listening:
“So you felt left out when everyone got picked except you?”
This builds emotional safety and trust. -
⚖ Stay Calm When Setting Boundaries
Children thrive on clear, predictable boundaries—but how you enforce them matters. Avoid power struggles by calmly following through:
“We agreed that if the phone isn’t turned in by 9 PM, it stays in the drawer tomorrow. I know that’s frustrating, but the rule still stands.” -
🧑🏫 If They Won’t Talk to You, Help Them Find a Trusted Adult
Sometimes teens don’t want to talk to a parent—and that’s okay. Help them build a support circle with a trusted coach, teacher, counselor, or family friend who shares your values. -
🧠 Talk About Emotions Even When Things Are Calm
Don’t wait for a meltdown to talk about feelings. Use everyday moments—books, shows, or car rides—to ask,
“How would you feel if that happened to you?” or
“What do you think that character is going through?”
This builds emotional vocabulary in a low-pressure way.
Emotional Intelligence Is a Skill—Let’s Teach It Together
When kids know how to name their emotions, stay connected during hard conversations, and problem-solve with empathy, they’re better equipped for the digital and emotional challenges ahead.
✔ Watch the Webinar Replay – Learn the 3 E’s from Dr. Bowen
✔ Talk With Your Kids – Practice empathy, not interrogation
✔ Share Your Stories – Show them they’re not alone
✔ Join Our Premium Membership – Get expert help when you need it most
Premium Members Get Full Access
When you join as a Premium Member, you unlock:
✔ Full replay of Raising Emotionally Intelligent Kids
✔ Our growing library of expert-led webinars
✔ Weekly emails with app alerts, parenting tips, and conversation starters
✔ A digital copy of Parenting in the Digital World
✔ Exclusive courses on screen time, social media, sextortion, and more
